You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
