weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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