Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
