It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
