When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
