Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think my vagina is haunted
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize