Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
