I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize