So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
