Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
