Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
