Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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