sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
