Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
