If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
