so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
