I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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