sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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