smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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