i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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