You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
