you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
