He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
