Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize