So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
