Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
