It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
