I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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