sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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