i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
