Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
