There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
