i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
