We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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