I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He better not be in your backpack
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
