I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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