So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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