Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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