i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
