he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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