What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
