she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
