I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
