you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
