i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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