I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
