You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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