It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
