New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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