you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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