is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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