JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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