i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
