OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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