and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
