FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
