He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
