so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
