You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
