good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
