I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
