He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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