Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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