Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
