Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
