don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
