If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
