When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
