it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
