1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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