I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Randomize
