i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
